Protecting and Preparing
- Posted by Julee Huy
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And so seated next to my father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, “Father, what is sexsin?”
He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads and set it on the floor.
“Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?” he said.
I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.
“It’s too heavy,” I said.
“Yes,” he said, “and it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.” ― Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place
What an excellent illustration of a wise parent protecting his child from information too heavy for her to bear! As parents, we’re often faced with the decision to protect or prepare. To protect our children from a load too heavy for them to bear is sometimes the best and wisest choice. At other times, it’s pertinent to place a load on them, or a portion of a load, in order to prepare them for life and the future. It takes a wise parent, like Corrie ten Boom’s father, to know what decision to make for a particular child in a particular season of life.
TO PROTECT
God has given us a great responsibility as parents to protect, raise up and guide our children in His ways. God has chosen to model families as a picture of His relationship with us, as well as the beautiful relationship displayed between God the Father and God the Son. This should give us, as parents, an understanding of just how seriously God takes our role as parents. In Ephesians, families are instructed in how they ought to relate to one another: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV)
Parents are, by design, our first picture of God: His tender care, authority and protection in our lives. There is discipline and instruction in our Lord, and we ought to train our children in that. As we look to protect and instruct, we should ask ourselves some questions. When we protect our children, we ought to ask ourselves some questions:
- “Is there a portion of this load they might carry at their current age?”
- “Could this information and knowledge be used in their future for their good?”
- “At what developmental level might they be able to carry this load?”
- “Are there any stories, activities or experiences that I might give them to prepare them for this knowledge in the future?”
- “Is there any potential that my child will come across this information anyway, from another source?”
When we’re intentional in our protection, we aren’t being protective for the sake of our fears, but rather, for the sake of the spiritual and emotional development of our children. Intentional protection has a purpose; that purpose is to move toward growth and maturity. Fearful protection is often rooted in a fear of the world, can be stagnant and may stunt our child’s growth and maturity. Like every area of our lives, protecting our children is a serious responsibility given to us by God and must be undertaken with much prayer.
TO PREPARE
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
As a parent, our job is not just to protect our children from the world, it’s to prepare and equip them to navigate the world for God’s glory. Just as we would never send a soldier into battle without properly equipping him with the weapons and knowledge he will need to fight and survive, we would be foolish to send our children out into the world without equipping them with all they will need. The idea here is to train and prepare a child in the safety of our watchful eye, where it’s ok to fail and where learning can take place in a loving environment. To protect and not prepare is to do a children a great disservice. Essentially, we will be protecting them only to release them, destined to fail, fail publicly and potentially fail in ways that will cause lasting damage.
Some questions to ask ourselves as we equip our children:
- “Are they ready for this information, or is it too early?”
- “If I allow them into this situation, what information or tools might they need and how can I outfit them with these things?”
- “What situations are they coming across in their lives, and have I properly prepared them for these situations?”
- “What situations are coming up in their future, and how might I begin the slow process of equipping now?”
When we prepare and equip our children for life’s experiences, teaching them how to pray, trust God for the outcome and persevere, we are slowly strengthening their faith muscles and training them up in the way they should go. Preparing children takes much prayer, wisdom and forethought and may need tweaking and changing along the way.
These principles of protection and preparation can be implemented even in the smallest of details, making all of young life a training ground. Something as simple as allowing your child the freedom to choose not to bring a jacket on a cold day will prepare them in decision making. In these simple lessons, if we don’t rescue, natural life consequences will encourage independent and wise thinkers. Later, decision making can be extended to larger, more important matters such as finances or entertainment choices. In any situation, we want to weigh the safety and wellbeing of our children and protect them when natural consequences may be too great a load for them to bear or too dangerous. Sometimes, we may need to insist that they wear their jacket in the freezing cold, for their safety and as a lesson of submission to authority. Like many areas of parenting, the balance between protecting and preparing is delicate, and each parent must seek God’s heart and plan for guidance.
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